Garden Update

 At the weekend I was lucky enough to have some gardening expertise from Nico's gran as I was clearing out the flower bed in our garden.

Above is how it now looks. It still needs work but after all the flowers (see below) died, I cut them back to the bulbs for next year and ripped up lots of the weeds.

There are still some flowers, strawberries and a bush. There are also a few weeds that still need to come out. I need a big plan for this area before I get stuck in again.

For now it will do and there's something quite cathartic about cutting it all back and pulling it all out.

Unwanted Advice

Tonight, after a long day at work we called into the DIY store on the way home. Isabella had been in the her car seat for over an hour and got pretty restless in the store. I got her out of the seat and realised that she was way too warm. As soon as I took her winter suit off and distracted her she was our happy little girl again. 

Of course it was quite an episode getting her back in the seat to go home so I made the decision to leave her big snow suit off as she was in warm pyjamas and the car was warm. She was much happier.

It was then all the more hurtful when a random stranger called over to us in the carpark to say she should be more wrapped up. Now I'm used to hearing all of the advice from grandmothers (our grandmothers, Isabella's grandmothers, and random strangers) but this woman was not much older than me. I almost cried on the spot. 

What makes people think they have the right to comment on how strangers bring up their own children? With few exceptions, I believe most parents do the best they can and while we all do what we think is right, most parenting decisions make little difference in the long term.

When I told my boss about the nutrition seminar last week her jaw dropped. She brought up two boys with no such support. 

The truth is that we all know what is best for our own children and I will be putting all my energy into my own baby and saving any advice for those who ask for it, or failing that, my grandchildren!

3 unexpected pregnancy experiences

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When we found out we were pregnant back in October, there were many things that I was completely prepared for - morning sickness, cravings, a tidal wave of emotions. However, there are some things that just don't seem to be discussed. Don't worry if you are eating while reading this...I'm not going down that road - the women of the family will fill you in on those details. Here are three things that I didn't hear about in advance.

1. Joint Pains

Especially in the hips. Completely logical and manageable and I'm not complaining (I feel truly blessed by this pregnancy), but the biggest barrier to my getting sleep lately are the hip and knee pains which mean I constantly have to change sides. I just keep focusing on the fact that the more preparation my body does now, the easier labour should be.

2. Not eating for two

Okay, so I know I am eating for two but when I imagined his third trimester I thought our food bills would be doubled and I'd be eating everything in sight. However, I just can't! I'm eating enough and putting on weight but it's on more of a 'little and often' basis. At a family celebration over the weekend we went for a three course meal and I had to give up half way through because of my circulation. Also, it makes sense when I think how squashed up my stomach must be, wherever it is now. 

3. No panic!

I've had the hormone waves and huge emotional highs and lows over the last seven months but I expected that by the time I hit maternity leave I would be nesting and panicking like mad. Maybe this will still hit in the next five weeks but at the moment we're taking it all in our stride. We still haven't store bought anything and the 'nursery' is still stood there empty. So far I'm quite the hippy - things will be done when they need to be done. Panic will not help! 

Interview!

Here is the second interview in our moving abroad series.  This week Rebekah is telling us how she has found her year abroad.  Thanks for sharing Rebekah!

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

My name is Rebekah, I’m 27 and I am English. I graduated as primary school teacher last summer and have spent the last year living and teaching in Paris.

Which countries did you move from and to and why?

I moved from England to France. In my degree studies, I specialised in MFL teaching and thought spending a year abroad would provide invaluable experiences and resources for my future teaching career.

I also just really wanted to experience life in another country!

What kind of expectations did you have before you moved?

I moved to Paris without knowing a single person, so my expectation was that it was going to be tough at first – particularly as a lot of the English have a huge stereotype of the French as rude and stand-offish (and I was moving to Paris; the capital of this preconception!).

Did your new country live up to these expectations?

Definitely not, I found almost all of the people I met to be very friendly and welcoming.

I think that the misconception is partly due to people not trying to learn/speak the language of the country that they are going to. I’ve overheard so many English/American people whilst I’ve been here who have been cross that some shop assistants/waiters hasn’t been able to speak any English! Almost all of the French people I have met whilst I’ve been here have been very interested in my language learning and they’ve been really willing to help me along (sometimes a bit too willing...it’s a bit embarrassing/disheartening when even the six year olds are correcting your grammar!).

What was the best thing about moving?

The best thing about moving was the challenge - the opportunity to force myself to be out of my ‘comfort zone’ and really push myself to speak and learn as much of the language as possible.

What was the worst thing?

Two months before I moved to Paris, I moved in with my long-term boyfriend, Dave, and so leaving my home and my newly-built life behind was definitely the worst thing.

That having been said, in the end it has definitely become one of the hidden benefits – as a couple we have grown closer than either of us could have ever imagined. So I guess my worst thing has become one of the most positive outcomes!

What has been your favourite experience since you moved?

Oh my goodness! Where to start! In terms of school experiences, I think the constantly hearing echoes of “Rebekah, Rebekah! Hello, how are you?” from my primary school children as I walk through the playground or around the school is definitely a favourite experience.

In terms of being in Paris in general, I think simply the opportunity to get to know such an amazing city. There’s always something going on here, something to do, something to see, somewhere to visit. I’ve been incredibly lucky to spend so much time here.

What steps have you taken to accustom yourself to your new country?

Learning the language! Definitely the major step I made to accustom myself. I arrived with bits of classroom French, quite a lot of travel French and some shaky conversational French – but you can’t really make friends and get to know people until you know enough language to hold up your end of a conversation/give your opinion on something.

What tips would you give someone else thinking of moving abroad / to your country?

My first is one of those predictable pieces of advice that are just so easy to disregard – but just don’t say no to ANYTHING when you first arrive. Even if you don’t think you’ll enjoy it. It’s surprising just how many experiences you would have quickly dismissed, through nervousness or otherwise, that actually end up being life-changing.

My second is definitely to try and stay positive. It’s not going to be easy 100% of the time, it’s not going to fun 100% of the time and (as Jenny has mentioned in her previous post) it can be lonely, even in Paris! But “c’est la vie” as they say and each experience, positive or negative, helps us to develop who we are. It’s easy to look at other people and think “well she/he are just finding it so easy” – but ask yourself honestly, when you’re finding it difficult, do you have a breakdown in public? Or do you put on a smile and wait until you’re home? So who’s to say that the person you are putting on the pedestal isn’t having lonely/disheartened moments in the privacy of their own home?

Is there anything else you would like to share?

I think I’d just like to say that if anyone is ever in two minds about making the leap and moving to another country, for however long or short a time, just do it! We only truly regret the things we didn’t do after all.

I’d also like to thank Jenny – her blog is so open, honest and thought-provoking. I stumbled across it after I’d been here about a month, and was feeling really homesick. It made me realise that there have been other people in the same boat and that the positives really do outweigh any negatives!

Thank you for taking the time to answer these questions!

Reflecting

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 At the weekend, I saw some clips from episodes of the American TV series 'Girls'.  I had read about this new series which is supposed to be a younger, more realistic version of Sex and the City - a series I loved.  When I excitedly tried to see what all the fuss was about, I have to admit, I was sorely disappointed.  I'm not sure if it's just that I don't get 24 year old humour any more or if it's something wrong with the series - it made me cringe the whole time I was watching it.  Some parts just weren't at all realistic but for me, I have to have a character I can identify with and I really couldn't.  I found it offensive to twenty-something women that the series portrays them in such a way.  The only good things I can say about what I saw is that they included some actresses who weren't size zero.  In that way, and for me that way alone, the series was more realistic.

This started me thinking about how much I have changed in the last three years.  In my head, I don't feel any different to the 24 year old me but when I look at where I am and what I'm doing I can see that so much has changed and in a good way.  If you had told me three years ago that I would be where I am now, I would not have believed it but I couldn't be more grateful for every single change in my life since then.  

Around this time three years ago, I drove back to my Dad's house from my place in Harrogate having been sent home from work 'sick'.  I'll never forget the drive because I don't know how I managed to stay on the road in the floods of tears I was in.  That week I had found out that my contract at the school I was at would not be renewed and that they were cutting German from the syllabus entirely, I found out that I couldn't stay in my flat as my flatmate had anorexia and was moving home - I couldn't afford the place alone, and the guy I was seeing finished with me to go back to his ex.  I couldn't see anything good in my life and didn't think it would ever get better.  I'd spent years studying and doing everything I was supposed to do to get the job I wanted and it wasn't good enough.

Today, I can see more than ever that everything happens for a reason.  If I hadn't had that terrible week, I would be in a very different place now.  Losing that job, led me to a brilliant interim job at a specialist languages school and ultimately to my job here in Bremen, which I love.  If the situation in England had not been so dire on the languages jobs front, I would never have considered looking this far afield.  Having this job led me to Nico - my boyfriend and best friend who understands me more than anyone and makes me the happiest girl alive.  Meeting Nico eventually meant moving into our lovely flat together and building a home with Pete the cat.  I can't explain the change in mental state that I have had here - somehow I don't feel like I'm on some treadmill anymore, trying to reach the future and get to where I want to be.  I feel like I'm there now.  It doesn't mean that I don't still have goals and things I want to do, it just means that I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be right now.

I guess when I consider all this, I must be a different person to three years ago and I definitely do find different things important, funny or difficult.  My message today has to be to those who find themselves in a situation like I was in three years ago - Hold on.  It does get better!  Everything happens for a reason and makes you stronger - I'm living proof!