Reflecting

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 At the weekend, I saw some clips from episodes of the American TV series 'Girls'.  I had read about this new series which is supposed to be a younger, more realistic version of Sex and the City - a series I loved.  When I excitedly tried to see what all the fuss was about, I have to admit, I was sorely disappointed.  I'm not sure if it's just that I don't get 24 year old humour any more or if it's something wrong with the series - it made me cringe the whole time I was watching it.  Some parts just weren't at all realistic but for me, I have to have a character I can identify with and I really couldn't.  I found it offensive to twenty-something women that the series portrays them in such a way.  The only good things I can say about what I saw is that they included some actresses who weren't size zero.  In that way, and for me that way alone, the series was more realistic.

This started me thinking about how much I have changed in the last three years.  In my head, I don't feel any different to the 24 year old me but when I look at where I am and what I'm doing I can see that so much has changed and in a good way.  If you had told me three years ago that I would be where I am now, I would not have believed it but I couldn't be more grateful for every single change in my life since then.  

Around this time three years ago, I drove back to my Dad's house from my place in Harrogate having been sent home from work 'sick'.  I'll never forget the drive because I don't know how I managed to stay on the road in the floods of tears I was in.  That week I had found out that my contract at the school I was at would not be renewed and that they were cutting German from the syllabus entirely, I found out that I couldn't stay in my flat as my flatmate had anorexia and was moving home - I couldn't afford the place alone, and the guy I was seeing finished with me to go back to his ex.  I couldn't see anything good in my life and didn't think it would ever get better.  I'd spent years studying and doing everything I was supposed to do to get the job I wanted and it wasn't good enough.

Today, I can see more than ever that everything happens for a reason.  If I hadn't had that terrible week, I would be in a very different place now.  Losing that job, led me to a brilliant interim job at a specialist languages school and ultimately to my job here in Bremen, which I love.  If the situation in England had not been so dire on the languages jobs front, I would never have considered looking this far afield.  Having this job led me to Nico - my boyfriend and best friend who understands me more than anyone and makes me the happiest girl alive.  Meeting Nico eventually meant moving into our lovely flat together and building a home with Pete the cat.  I can't explain the change in mental state that I have had here - somehow I don't feel like I'm on some treadmill anymore, trying to reach the future and get to where I want to be.  I feel like I'm there now.  It doesn't mean that I don't still have goals and things I want to do, it just means that I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be right now.

I guess when I consider all this, I must be a different person to three years ago and I definitely do find different things important, funny or difficult.  My message today has to be to those who find themselves in a situation like I was in three years ago - Hold on.  It does get better!  Everything happens for a reason and makes you stronger - I'm living proof!