Motherhood

For the last four years a lot of my reading has been based around motherhood and I've noticed a couple of things.

First of all, despite what social media might lead you to think, 99% of mothers struggle, especially at the beginning.  I've faced the struggle myself with both of my children.  The thing is, there is no handbook.  Being a mother is such a huge responsibility and nobody can tell you how to do it.  Lots of people think they can tell you how to do it but at the end of the day it is such a personal thing - each mother and each child is different - and many of those well-meaning pieces of advice can end up putting more pressure on us.

Personally, I fell into the trap of thinking that my second child would be as 'easy' as the first.  I thought, "now that I have learned how to be a mother, I can think about having another baby" - I was so naive!  My son is so different and has taught me a whole new set of lessons over the last year and a half, plus my big one skipped the terrible twos but became a terrible threenager and turning four certainly hasn't helped matters.  I've now accepted the fact that I'll never be done learning with these two (and we're certainly not planning a third!)

Secondly, there is a whole different pressure on mothers as opposed to parents.  Nobody asks dads how they are coping with the work-life balance and nine times out of ten, it's mummy who has a lot more to plan and organize for a family.  Sometimes, I really feel the weight of that pressure. On the other hand, I am often the quietest when I am out with mummy friends and the 'husband bashing' starts because I am truly blessed to be with a man who pulls his weight around the house.

What mummy blogs and magazines have also taught me, is that there's not just a lot of struggling mums out there - but a whole lot of support if we learn how to ask for and offer help in the right way.  It has helped me so much to see that I am not alone in the struggle.  While lots of these blogger mums suffer a huge backlash for being open and honest about their feelings, exactly that frankness has helped me in some of the darker times and while I am not ready to be so open online, I do what I can in the 'real world'.

And before the bashing starts - just because I struggle at times does not mean I do not love my kids.  They are my biggest blessing.  Perhaps that is why I feel the pressure so much; because nothing is more important to me.  At the moment, our work-life balance is changing again and I am already feeling blessed to be able to spend more time with my children and after some close to home experiences, I am feeling more grateful and privileged than ever to be a mummy to my two wonderful children.